Marriage and Babies

Did you know that the first year after a baby is one of the highest rates of men cheating on their wives and of marriage dissatisfaction?

Well Nick and I can say from experience, we understand why.

Having a baby was tough on our marriage.

It. Was. Tough.

Anyone in our close circle knows this, because we asked you to pray for us. And we are so thankful for prayer.

I love Nick. We love Eve. And actually, the first six months after Eve was born went relatively well. We loved getting to know this beautiful little lady and becoming parents together. We learned a lot and we laughed even more. 

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Then month six. I don’t know what it was, but at that point it felt like something snapped. Nick was working three jobs, and I was working or home alone with Eve, and we weren’t connecting, and it. was. tough.

A baby changes things. Exhaustion changes things. Suddenly frustrations that I used to let go of felt huge. I didn’t have the time or the energy to do some of the things I used to. I felt alone. I felt exhausted. I felt anxious. I felt overwhelmed.

When I tell people how we’re doing better, I can’t really put words to why. What has really changed? It has felt gradual and almost invisible but things have changed.

I suppose Nick deserves most of the credit. I became so frustrated and hurt that I shut down and didn’t want to address our conflict anymore.

Nick pursued, and pursued, and pursued me. We talked, and cried, and talked, and cried (the crying mostly on my part).

The worst times were when our arguing woke Eve up.

That was an awful feeling.

And so we continued to talk and cry and work and …slowly…change.

And then

closer

and closer

and closer.

And now we’re feeling pretty close, and life is feeling all sorts of wonderful and sweet like it once had.

And we definitely don’t have it all figured out. 

And we are still struggling to love each other better every day. 

And God meets us in our mess. 

And we are so grateful.

 

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4 thoughts on “Marriage and Babies

  1. Thanks for sharing. We had a similar experience and feel that it finally lifted at 13 months. Now we feel back to ourselves most days. No one talks about this, so thanks.

  2. Oh this is beautiful friend. And makes my heart ache. You are the bravest for living the messy life out loud. Love you and miss you both!

  3. I feel ALL of this so much, parenting and marriage are BOTH such a continual and gradual WORK for sure. Thank you for sharing so we all know we’re not alone!

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