I used to do it all. I used to go to work and school and exercise and volunteer and cook and clean and do my quiet time and keep up with friends and….
I used to be amazing.
Turns out having a baby is the nemesis to my superpowers.
I was recently processing this with my supervisor at work- how my identity has shifted through time. The most recent shift: from accomplisher and master of all tasks to tired mommy with spit up all over my shirt and toys all over my living room floor.
I used to get so much done in a day that I made Martha Stewart look like an amateur (not that anything I did looked as good as hers).
Now, it takes me days – sometimes weeks, sometimes months- to do the smallest task.
For example, a few months ago I decided I wanted to send my friend a card. In the past I would have grabbed a card from the card drawer, written said card, addressed, and mailed it- all within the hour.
This time I thought of writing a card, but couldn’t start immediately because Eve was asleep and the card drawer is in her room. Then several days passed when the only time I remembered I should write the card were while Eve was sleeping. Eventually I remembered to get the card out while Eve was awake. Then it sat on the counter several days until I had the energy to actually write in it. Then it was another several days before I had my laptop open and on in order to look up my friend’s address. Then another few days before I made it out to the mailbox to mail the card.
The process of sending a friend a card went from an hour to literally months (which meant she’s getting a summer card around Christmastime, thankfully she’s a very gracious friend).
I’m exhausted even writing about this process.
But see!!! I am no longer amazingly efficient. Incredibly productive. Remarkably on top of things.
Nope, I’m just an average working mom, doing her average best, to keep up her average life.
I was going to write “and I am totally and completely okay with that,” because I know I should be. A more honest statement would be that I’m working on being okay with that.
I’m working on being okay with clutter in the house, and only cleaning once a month if that, and not doing the little extra things I want to be doing for friends and family.
There are a lot of ways my priorities get out of wack. I often fall into the trap of valuing what I get done over how well I am loving the people around me.
Nick is good at helping me with that.
And even though all of the things I used to accomplish felt good, many of them were temporary things.
Loving my daughter is so much more meaningful. Though my many tasks took up a lot of energy, nothing takes as much of my self as loving my daughter.
Loving Eve means being present. It means being intentional. It means being real.
Loving Eve means prioritizing my relationship with God, and my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with myself.
I want to love God, Eve, those around me, and myself so fiercely that Eve learns to do the same.
Loving requires knowing my identity is in Christ in not in accomplishments. Loving requires courage. Loving requires real strength.
And this is the superhero I chose to be.
*So, remember this post when you come over and my house is a mess…