I keep meaning to post a group of sticky notes on my mirror at home as reminders of all the things I’m trying to improve in me.
The notes would say things like:
Be more patient.
Have more grace for others.
Have more grace for yourself.
No negative self-talk.
Enjoy the moment.
Be a better wife.
Something about raising a little girl who will someday be a woman has motivated me to be a better person. I mean, I’ve always wanted to be a better person- and hopefully I’m a better person today than I was five years ago- but this whole being a mom thing makes it feel even more important. I want to model what it looks like to be a strong, compassionate, beautiful, woman for Eve.
I want to do things my daughter will be proud of.
All of a sudden I’m imagining myself traveling overseas to fight Isis or curing cancer or something.
Something Eve will be proud of me for. Something Eve will aspire to herself.
But most days are so full of nursing, and pumping, and cleaning, and cooking, and working, and hosting, and nursing…that I don’t make time to intentionally work on these things that will make me a better person.
But I don’t know…I’m still trying. I still want to be better. To love better. To trust better.
And I have to find a way to try to change and to accept what doesn’t change at the same time.
And there’s a lesson there-
I don’t have to be perfect for Eve to love me. Her face lights up even when I walk into her nursery with my silly sleeping bun on top of my head and mascara smeared under my eyes. And Nick loves me. And God loves me. And lots of other people love me-
With or without my litany of self-improvement to-do’s completed.
That’s the other thing I want Eve to know:
You are perfect and beautiful every day, in every circumstance, because Christ has made you so.
Be patient with yourself. Love yourself.
Do try, but know that love is not dependent on anything you DO, because who you ARE is fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are perfectly imperfect, as they say, and nothing, nothing, nothing, will ever, ever change that.
And Eve will never believe this about herself, if I am unable to believe it about myself.
I am perfect. I am wonderful. I am so loved.