I feel like one of those roly poly bugs- so sensitive that the slightest touch makes me want to curl up and disappear…and maybe there are a few tears that happen in the process.
There are too many life changes, too many relational complications, too many emotions for me to feel all at once.
Baby coming, moving, entering busy season at work, broken computer, failing car, facilitating a church group, tension at home, finances, visitors, dropping the ball, dropping the ball, dropping the ball…
That’s how I see it anyway. I can’t get to everything. I keep forgetting things. I feel overwhelmed.
There’s so much I want to do, so much I feel I should do.
I have to figure out what’s essential, and what to let go of.
I definitely have to accept what I cannot control.
This is what I’m working on lately. I have to, have to accept that things aren’t going to go the way I want or expect them to. That I don’t have the energy to do what I usually do. That I can’t change other people, only my response to them.
I’m trying to say ‘no’ more. Trying to accept help more. Trying to micromanage less. Trying to remember that the most crucial thing is in less than three months I will have a living, breathing baby Brennfoerder.
And this is amazing to me- no matter how much I screw up or how much I feel I fail or how imperfect I am, this baby is coming.
Our baby is coming.
I wonder if Jesus ever felt this sensitive? Like at the slightest word he could crumble into a million particles?
On the one hand, He was human.
On the other, He most likely had a heck of a lot more faith in a God that held Him and this world in His hands than I do. He most likely did not feel the need to control things and have things go His way like I do. He most likely felt a lot more at peace with Himself and the knowledge of a God who loves all children as His own.
I am loved.
Rolled up in a ball, or productive, or tired, or failing, or beautiful, or caring, or crying, or excited, or sad.
I am loved by a great God.