Overwhelmed

I received an email from a thoughtful friend this morning that was essentially a blog post about how it’s good to write even when you don’t think you have anything to say.

The author wrote “writing is not an exercise of the mind. It is an exercise of the heart.

Okay.

I have this habit of writing often for a few weeks, and then not writing at all for months. All of the blogging websites say you should blog regularly.

I so often feel I don’t have anything to say.

Like today.

I have a few minutes to kill and I feel I should write, but don’t really have anything to say.

But I guess…I guess I’m feeling a little overwhelmed lately.

And part of me is afraid if I share what I’m overwhelmed about everyone will start giving me advice- well meant advice- but unsolicited advice nonetheless. I’m not a fan of unsolicited advice. Or they might give me a cyber pat on the hand and “it’ll be okay, you’ll be fine.”

I know it will be okay. I know I’ll be fine.

But yes. I am.

I am feeling overwhelmed.

I mean, last I checked, I’ve never been a mom before.

I have a mom, and my sisters are moms, and many of my friends are moms. But that’s a whole universe away from being a mom myself.

I have week by week pregnancy books, a pregnancy journal, a pregnancy app, and pregnancy websites that I’m trying to keep up with, but they all say intimidating things like, “Give your baby the best possible start from the earliest possible time.”

No pressure.

What To Expect When You’re Expecting literally says, “Every bite counts…Before you close your mouth on a forkful of food, consider, ‘Is this the best bite I can give my baby?'”

Seriously?

I’m not reading that book anymore.

And then there’s preparing for the baby.

So, we still need to register for what we need. How the heck do I know what a baby needs or what I’ll need when the baby comes?! (Thanks to my big sis and mom for helping me get started with that online)

And other preparations- like, oh ya, we need to find a new place to live.

And we’re going to need someone to watch this little cutie pie while Nick and I are at work.

But we can’t really figure out where we should live or what our schedules will look like for childcare until Nick’s job situations becomes a little more clear.

So there’s all that.

And a million other things like scheduling doctor’s appointments and birthing classes, and feeding this completely insatiable baby 24/7.

It’s all exciting too. Yes, very exciting.

I try to picture myself at home with the baby…sleeping while Nick or whatever mom or sister is visiting takes care of my baby and I just lounge around…

Not really.

I picture holding a little being that came out of my tummy- how weird is that?

I picture watching Nick hold our baby.

I picture friends and family getting to know my little one and my little one being blessed by the very same people who have blessed my life.

I picture love.

Love a little like God’s love for me.

That’s super cheesy.

But I do.

And I’m overwhelmed.

 

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2 thoughts on “Overwhelmed

  1. What a completely, honest, vulnerable view of this “here and now moment”. I love it- and- I love you! Hugs friend- no advice – just a hug…. Oh, and a smile! 🙂

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