It’s the night before our trip to Michigan. We have to get up around 5:30 tomorrow and we just got back from a glorious fire pit with our small group. By the time we finish our last minute packing and have lunches made for the road it is 11:30 (way past my bedtime). Nick crawls in bed with me, we turn out the light, and I roll into him.
Then he grabs his phone.
“Are you serious? What are you doing?
He tells me he is checking the weather.
The second time I ask he is checking facebook.
I personally have wanted a no electronics in bed rule, but I cannot get him to agree.
I am furious.
I try to go to sleep, but who can sleep with that HUGE light emanating from his phone!?
I toss and turn and try to make it obvious he is keeping me awake (read, childish). I do my deep breathing and put my arm over my eyes to shield them from the light (read, dramatic). I turn away from him and make sure our bodies are not touching at all (read, punishing him).
And while I’m doing all this there is a still, small voice in my head telling me that it isn’t actually Nick that is keeping me awake. It’s my anger.
If I could let go of my anger, I would sleep just fine.
Instead, I spend all night tossing and turning and getting up to use the bathroom.
I remember the same thing in high school. My sisters would get home from a late game or they would be arguing with my parents late at night and I would be furious. They’re so loud! Don’t they know I have an algebra test and basketball game tomorrow?! I need my sleep people!
And even back then I think I knew that it was my anger rather than Jenni or Juli that was keeping me awake on a school night.
So many times I struggle to let go of my anger.
So many times it hurts me worse than anyone else.
The moment that I choose to forgive. To think more of the other person than of myself. To let go of assumptions that the other is doing it on purpose. That is the moment I can sleep.
That is the moment I find peace.
To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. -CS Lewis