At the moment I feel physically beautiful.
I’m not wearing makeup, I haven’t worked out in months and I’m wearing purple polka dot pants, a large white sweater with a multi colored headscarf wrapped around my head. As odd as it may be, I didn’t question my outfit one bit.
Truthfully, today is a very typical day physically because I regularly feel physically beautiful.
However, when I first attempted to think of a time I felt beautiful for some stupid reason every single one of my ugliest moments came to mind.
Sometimes I feel ugly and people like to tell me (and I want to hurt them.)
Like when three separate people have asked me if I’m pregnant, when people ask me on a regular how it is to have a beautiful sister (implying that I’m not as beautiful as her) and bathing suit shopping in general.
I hate all of these moments and I hate that they came to my mind first.
But you know what, I hate that people make me think that I’m not beautiful because heck, I’m Katelyn Doyle and I’m a freaking babe.
I’m a freaking babe because I stopped finding my worth in physical beauty, but instead in a God that delights in ME. It’s a waste of time and energy and ultimately a disgrace to my King to even think differently in the slightest. I usually feel beautiful, but I actually GLOW when shalom is created.
I spend a lot of my time at my university’s Christian Campus House. At CCH we talk about this word, shalom. Shalom essentially means peace and wholeness, how God intended the world to be. We, at CCH, live to bring shalom to the world, like when for a moment the brokenness disappears and heaven is on earth. These moments are beautiful! These moments are actually everything!
When there is shalom I don’t just feel beautiful, I actually glow.
I glow when:
I feel the Holy Spirit, this is number one!
My mom and I lie on her bed and watch silly Hallmark films.
My girl gang and I drive through the city screaming to a song with the windows down
People are kind
My friends understand something about Jesus
A really great small group
I complete what seems impossible
I eat Pho
My friends and I dance to the Lizzie Maguire Movie soundtrack (make fun of me, I dare you)
I suddenly become friends with strangers at coffee shops
I hold a large mug full of coffee
People tell me nice things
I sleep in hostels
I experience genuine community
I serve at Cherith Brook
I feel important
People are vulnerable
I do well on a test and my professors write “great work!” on the paper
My family reunites
I find something really awesome at a thrift store
I am different, standing outside of the shadows
People listen to my ideas
My curls flow in the right direction
All of these moments may be silly but make me feel like the world is just right. Like Jesus is here on earth. Like the kingdom has come and the will has been done, on earth as it is on heaven.
I glow when brokenness is gone and life feels whole again.
I glow when there is shalom.
Y’all, I really like glowing.