A few months ago, I started reading through the psalms. I had read some here and there, but I thought it would be beneficial and interesting to read them as one book.
It was a lot harder than I expected. In fact, I never finished.
I encountered a lot of praise and a lot of lamenting & questioning God. It was okay at first, I had expected that. But around the 40th chapter, I was getting really, really annoyed. WHY couldn’t this dude just see what God had done for him & remember all the times God came through for him. He’s always there, he hasn’t left you.. WHY ARE WE GOING OVER THIS AGAIN?
And then, just like God always does, He shows up. I mean REALLY shows up. If he had used an audible voice he probably would have said “Jamie… you do that. All the time. Give me a freaking break.”
Okay, maybe he would’ve used different words.
My story is a lot of this attitude I found in the psalms.
In addition to the laments & praises, there are times when the psalmist, despite his current situation, trusts God. He knows that Christ is with him, watching over him, protecting him and fighting for him. He always has been.
He can see the sovereignty of God.
The end of my junior year & senior year of high school I had a really hard time with feeling worthy. I wasn’t sure if God was going to give me the best anymore because of decisions I made and things I had done. I thought I was going to end up settling for what I felt I deserved.
I am the psalmist. I wouldn’t have said it then, but it was incredibly hard to know God was with me or on my side.
I graduated early and started school at UCM that spring. My friend brought me to the Christian Campus House, a place I still love. It was the first place I learned about true community and the first place I saw a lot of young people passionate about Christ.
One Wednesday night after their weekly service, I went home. Crazy story, right?
Even now, I don’t know what happened in me that night. I went home, I sat on the couch in my basement — I thought, cried and for the first time, I was absolutely wrecked by the cross.
I don’t know why it was at that time, that night, that place but I think God put the knowledge in me that I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am redeemed.
I saw myself the way I think Christ saw me the night he was crucified.
I feel beautiful when I remember God is the good in me.
He rescued me because he delighted in me.
Jamie is studying Communication at UCM and just really likes people.