Reflections on Year 1 of Being “Wife”

Well then what’s to be the reason for becoming man and wife?
Is it love that brings you here or love that brings you life?
For if loving is the answer, then who’s the giving for?
Do you believe in something that you’ve never seen before?
Oh there is Love,
there is Love.
-Wedding Song, Paul Stookey

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Marriage is one of those things- like learning to drive, starting college, or taking your first “real” job- that you anticipate your entire life, observe others doing, and maybe even attempt to prepare for, but never really have a clue about until you turn the key, walk into a 500 person lecture, or hang your degree on your office wall for the first time. I’ve found that marriage, like these other milestones, has felt both much more natural and much more unnatural than I ever pictured in my clueless head.

So I’ll get straight to the purpose of this post. Here are my thoughts after my first year as Nicholas’ wife- my thoughts on things that I think I will forget more and more throughout the years as marriage becomes much closer to what I know than the singleness I have known for so many years:

  •  Marriage is both much harder and  incredibly easier than I expected
  • Friends are still just as important as they ever were
  • Life is less lonely when shared, but I do still feel lonely at times
  • Having a loving and supportive husband doesn’t make my stressful job easier, but it does make it easier to forget about work when I get home
  • Marriage is a ton of fun
  • My times of feeling depressed haven’t gone away, but it feels good to have Nick’s arms around me when I am feeling this way
  • I’m more selfish than I thought
  • I’m more sensitive than I thought
  • I’m more capable of loving deeply than I thought
  • Nick has shown me men can be more compassionate than I thought
  • Getting comfortable with each other happened much quicker than I expected
  • Losing my family name was easier logistically but harder emotionally than I expected
  • Fights hurt worse than I expected
  • Nick is more supportive and tender and loving and strong than I ever realized while we were dating
  • I love cuddling and being held way more than even I ever knew
  • I feel safe with Nick in our marriage in a way I can’t explain and never have before

That’s it. Not deep, or theological, or revolutionary- just the changes my marital status has made in my life this year.

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5 thoughts on “Reflections on Year 1 of Being “Wife”

  1. Krista, I love reading your blog! Many times over the years you have taken thoughts and feelings out of my head and put them on paper. Many times it was a comfort to know another person was feeling them, too! I am a couple months behind you in a new marriage, but I, too, would agree with much of you wrote. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!

  2. Hi Krista. I finally slowed down enough this summer to read your blog. Your honesty and introspection inspire me. Your clarity in putting feelings and observations into words often captures my feelings, but more importantly, I appreciate how you draw my attention to truths I have almost observed … but would have missed had you not voiced them. Thanks!

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