Last night I had a nightmare. I am walking with my twin sister, Kati, and my husband, Nick, around a lake. There are several cottages around this lake and they’re all deserted. There are skeletons in all of the windows. Eventually I fall into the lake. I look up to Kati and Nick to pull me out, but by the looks on their faces I can tell something terrible is about to happen. I turn around just in time to see and hear a huge eel rise out of the water to attack me.
Then I woke up. Panting and frightened.
I woke my husband and he graciously wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “It’s okay. you’re safe now.” This was so comforting.
I remember so well nightmares when I lived alone. I would wake up terrified and then try not to fall back to sleep, in fear that I’d pick up the nightmare where I left off. I’d also be too afraid to get up, so I would just lie in fear, stiff as a board, alone in my bed.
Work has been so hard and dark lately. I feel like I am a receptacle for all of the evil and negativity in Johnson County. I’m so thankful for a relationship where I can come home and feel safe. I don’t think it’s just marriage that you get this from. When I lived with five sweet girls in grad school, I felt a similar sense of safety. Relationships do that.
But still, even with all the love and support from Nick at home and my friends down the street, I sometimes am so overcome by the darkness in this world. It feels so heavy. I can continue only because I know it won’t last forever. Someday this life will be over and I will be with the most loving One ever, and S/He will tell me, “it’s okay, you’re safe now.”