That moment. That moment when you realize your high school dreams are most likely never coming true.
I was reading this book (How I Changed My Mind About women in Leadership) today where the accomplishments of each chapter’s author are listed at the start of each chapter. Today’s author had plenty of accomplishments- professor at Yale, Director of his own center of ministry, widely known speaker and writer on six continents and several colleges and universities (including Yale, Harvard, Princeton, and Oxford), and author of several articles and books. As I read, yearnings to have such accomplishments of my own started ricocheting around my rib cage.
Once again it was that moment where I realize
I will probably never be a world renown feminist author and activist
I will probably never be a world traveler
I will probably never be randomly discovered singing in the shower, go on tour, and win a Grammy (don’t pretend you never had this dream)
I will probably never (to my grandfather’s disappointment) become the first female president
Ever since college these moments come randomly and hit with force. That moment when all your sisters buy new cars and you gaze half-heartedly at your ten year old Ford Focus that is rusting and sounds like it has a diesel engine.
That moment when all your friends are pregnant, but you’re a few years behind the curve.
That moment when you get excited about going back to school for your doctorate and then get rejected from all six of the ones you could afford (didn’t get rejected by the seventh, but it would have practically cost me my firstborn to attend).
That moment when you realize that just because you have a Master’s degree and counseling license, doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed a good job, a job at all, or the certifications you desire.
I had this naive notion in high school that once I got a college degree my life’s path would be clear and unchallenged: graduate, get job, keep job, retire.
Ya…not so much.
Maybe I even believed that being voted “Most Likely to Succeed” in high school counted for something.
But–and don’t miss this conjunction, however improperly placed grammatically–BUT, when I’m hit with that moment of feeling unsuccessful, unaccomplished, unsure about attaining my dreams or my future, I am reminded that in the things that matter I truly have it all. I don’t say this lightly and I don’t say this boastfully.
I say it gratefully.
I say it knees hitting ground, fluid seeping from eyes, gratefully.
I am so thankful for the people in my life.
For client’s who allow me to be a part of redemption and healing in their lives.
For the world’s most supportive family.
For an outrageously sensitive and loving husband.
For the most diverse, amazing, gracious group of friends.
And in these things- those that matter most- I am the most successful girl in the world.
That moment when you are struck speechless with gratitude.