The Last Night

Tonight is my last night in my apartment by myself. I mean, of course there will be times when I’ll be there alone after marriage (quite soon, actually, as Nick leaves for a mission trip a day or two after we return from the honeymoon), but this is the last night I will be single in my own apartment.

Retrospectively I’m thinking I should have commemorated this better with girlfriends and champagne and strawberries and painting nails and maybe some incredibly heartfelt movie like Beaches or Steel Magnolias. 

But alas I did none of this, only sent Nick home early so I could briefly soak in the bittersweet dregs of privacy and freedom and loneliness.

…and turned on some Alanis Morisette.

So much could be said on singleness and marriage and the fact that loneliness nor freedom end completely with marriage, on (somewhat) wild days past and child bearing days of the future, on what I’ve learned from married friends and single ones.

But I suppose I simply want to focus this post on friends.

I’m thinking tonight of all those pacts and promises you make when you’re little- “best friends forever”, “we’ll never let a man come between us, pinky swear!”, “we won’t drink and do drugs like everyone else, promise”, “we’ll never move far away”, etc, etc

People make fun of BFFs…and maybe rightfully so, as friendships become harder and harder to keep with age.

But I have found so many golden friendships along this journey. I’ve found friends who would drop everything in an instant if I need to talk. Friends who cry with my when I’m in pain. Friends who laugh at me when I’m too stubborn to laugh at myself. Friends who trust me enough to share their tears and sorrows with me. Friends who challenge me on and off the basketball court. Friends who push me to be a better person. Friends who allow me to be a part of their beautiful families.

On days that I felt bitter, friends reminded me of forgiveness. On days I felt righteous, friends reminded me of my pride. On days I felt ugly, friends reminded me of my beauty. I days I felt worthless, friends reminded me of my value. On days I felt despair, friends reminded me of my hope. On days I felt defeated, friends reminded me of my God. On days I felt shame, friends reminded me of redemption.

I know marriage will change a lot of things, including my friendships.

But I hope I will always remember that God created community and relationships for a reason. Marriage is sacred. So is friendship.


2 thoughts on “The Last Night

  1. What a beautiful thing to reflect on your last single night at home! Glad to consider you a friend and look forward to continued friendship with Mrs. Brennfoerder! Love you!

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