On my walk this morning, my first dogless walk in a long time, I asked God “What do you want from me?” hoping that he would tell me if I should quit my job, or quit my ministry, or quit my life even (well, no I wasn’t really hoping that, but it feels incredibly real some days). No answer, tears began to stream from lashes mixing with the foggy mist.
As I continued my foot pounding on pavement, I began to notice the trees. Barren. Lifeless. Silhouetted against the grey, foggy sky. Just now I realize part of the impact of them is that is how I feel so often these days. Barren. Lifeless. A shadow of a woman in my sometimes grey, foggy world. I began to realize as I gazed upon them and through them just how beautiful they are. Those lifeless branches stretching out to touch the mist. To touch the untouchable. To touch the unseeable. Is that what I long for? To touch the untouchable? To touch the unseeable? You, God? Do I long to touch you, to see you? Do I feel that is impossible?
More foot pounding on pavement. Then I hear “Wonder”. Wonder in who you are, Wonder in the World around you, and Wonder in Who created you and that world. More tears from lashes. My brain wanted to ask “How?” do I do that. My heart answered, “Immerse yourself in the wonder.” I often think so small and He always has more. I was seeking ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to my questions and He bestowed wonder.
“Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light.” Matthew 6:22 MSG
Ann Wilson is currently the volunteer coordinator of Women’s Ministry at First Baptist Church in Warrensburg. She also is the cofounder of Marriages Restored with her husband, Ben. In her spare time, Ann works full-time as a Medical Technologist at Western Missouri Medical Center. She previously served on staff as a Pastoral Care Counselor at Crossroads Church in Denver where her family lived 10 beautiful years. Denver is also where Ann attended Colorado Christian University to obtain her Master of Arts in Counseling and received her Licensure in Professional Counseling.
Ann loves to laugh, she loves to cook and eat, she loves her husband, she loves the sacredness of tears, she loves the joy of new life, she loves the Missouri Tigers (especially Basketball!), she loves to witness growth in others and herself, she loves Jesus, she loves her grown children (even though they haven’t given her grandchildren yet!), she loves the wonder of creativity, she loves that God redeems even her.