On Becoming Engaged- Addendum

So I wanted to clarify something about becoming engaged. Some may find this post superfluous, but nonetheless I want to be clear.

What I want to be clear about is this: Becoming married will not make me more of an adult.

Hear me out.

When I was single (I’m talking 22-28 years-old), people often made comments to the effect that I was not a complete adult, or didn’t have any responsibilities because I wasn’t single and/or a mother.

They would say things like, “Man, must be nice not to have any responsibilities.” I would respond with something like, “Oh, ya, it’s fabulous,” my sarcasm utterly lost. In my head I thought, “Ya, I just pay my bills by myself, do all of the house cleaning and maintenance and car cleaning and maintenance by myself, do all my traveling and driving by myself, or work an incredibly emotionally draining job counseling adults through their suffering and/or crises- but I certainly don’t have any responsibilities.”

And since I’ve become engaged, one person actually said, “welcome to the adult world!” as if I was just pretending the last decade of my life that I obtained a bachelor’s and master’s degree, moved across the country alone to start a new job, and took care of all my own housing and tangible needs.

When I get married this summer, I will start a new chapter in my life where I will finally have a partner to share life’s responsibilities, life’s ups and downs, life’s fun and tragedy with someone else.

But I will in no way, shape, or form be more of an adult than I was the day before.

I want to clarify this because of my many rockstar single sisters (and brothers). Women (and men) who are the type of adult I hope I will still be when I become married.

Who work part time jobs so they can devote the rest of their time to the refugees in their community
Who work hard to attain their goals of getting a doctorate or writing a book
Who work on church staffs, dedicating their time to the discipleship of members
Who travel to places like Afghanistan, Korea, and Quito to love on people
Who devote weekends to volunteerism and mentoring
Who are advocates for women who have been victimized

That is all:)


6 thoughts on “On Becoming Engaged- Addendum

  1. Krista – I LOVE this post. So often I feel like your blog puts into words how I’m feeling or what I also experience. Often about things that I have difficulty putting words to rather than just reacting emotionally and illogically. Thanks for naming these things and sharing them. I think if we lived in the same state again, we could probably be real friends not just facebook friends 🙂

  2. Bravo! I hear you sister! Well said. I love that you know who you are, and are willing to blog about who you are. So few people have the courage or the skill to do what you have done here

  3. I AGREE with you ABSOLUTELY.
    This is one of my pet peeves.
    When I hear someone mention that being married completes you as an adult, it makes me want to get aggressive.

  4. Have been struggling with the whole alone thing. Thank you for stepping up and saying what I know in my heart but just cant convince my head to understand. It is hard being single. Not to say its not hard being married but it is just a different kind of hard.

  5. Word. I try really hard to NEVER comment to anyone (even my middle school students) about the “real world”. It’s so condesending, and presumptuous to assume that a person’s age or marital status determines whether they qualify to be “real” anything. There are children all over the world who have lived through experiences I can’t even imagine. And amen to the fact that singleness means you do it all…alone. I’m glad you’re getting married, so that you can share life. Sharing is good. Jesus likes it when we share. Fin.

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