This little excerpt from the chapter on Common Boundary Myths is a good one to keep in mind for any relationship:
“We can’t manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a ‘litmus test’ for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance.”
When we’re afraid to say no, to set a limit, to voice our opinion, we’re not trusting people to love us for who we are. Either our friends are trustworthy, or they’re not- and we won’t know unless we give them a chance to accept our difference.
I know that it has only been when I’ve risked such honesty in relationship that I have felt secure in relationship. Only when I have risked saying no or disagreeing and been accepted have I been able to fully receive love.