This year, as part of my job as a Care Ministry Counselor at the First Baptist Church of Warrensburg, I participated in preparing for our Blue Christmas service, which the Care Pastor, Ben Wilson, puts on every year.
A Blue Christmas Service is a place where people can go to grieve during the holidays. Often, we feel pressure in our society to be cheerful and happy at Christmastime. However, sometimes the loss of a loved one, a spouse’s deployment overseas, loss of one’s job, or other losses can make it difficult to feel cheerful. The Blue Christmas Service is a place to go and mourn those losses at Christmas.
As I sat during our Blue Christmas Service this year, I was caught shockingly off guard by the tears that welled in my eyes and eventually spilled over. We started the service with singing and the song “Blessed be Your Name” prompted my meltdown. In this song, the lyrics “you give and take away” always hit me in a tender place, reminding me of losses in my life.
This year, I’m facing a new kind loss for me.
My sister and brother-in-law got divorced about six months ago. He has been part of my life for the past 7-8 years. When my sister married him he gained his first sisters and I gained my first big brother. Now he’s no longer a part of our family, and I will miss him. I will miss how excited he always was to hang out with “the sisters”. I will miss his enthusiasm for playing a competitive game of basketball. I will miss his ridiculous gestures when playing charades. I’ll miss his amazing jambalaya.
I’ll miss him.