Ambivalence.

I am lucky to be single.
I am lost as a single.
I am afraid of being alone.
I do loneliness well.
Some days my independence is fabulous.
Some days my independence is lonely.
I am strong.
I am not.
I want to remain single.
I want to get married.
Some days I’m too busy for a social life.
Some days I sit at home watching romcoms, eating Ben & Jerry’s, and wishing I had someone.
I am fulfilled.
I am lonely.
I want freedom.
I want more.
I’m more sensitive than I like to admit.
I convince myself that if someone would hold me it would hurt less.
I don’t feel at all.
I feel too much.
I like feeling beautiful.
I hate feeling beautiful.
I crave love.
I fear it.
I never cry.
I cry all the time.
I nurture.
I criticize.
I play sports with broken fingers.
I scream over spiders.
I am heartless.
I am emotional.
I am a Christian.
I have my doubts.
I’m a feminist.
I’m sexist.
I feel beautiful.
I am ugly.
I have self-worth.
I despise myself.
I work hard.
I’m a slacker.
I am overwhelmed by the pain in the world.
I ignore the pain in the world.
I have big dreams.
I’m too much of a realist to dream big.
I may care about you,
but I won’t show it.
I may be frightened,
but won’t admit it.
I may be in pain,
but I’ll deny it.
I rely on God.
I rely on myself.
Love hurts
is an understatement.
Life is hard
is a euphemism.
“I love you”
is misused.
I
am fine.

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3 thoughts on “Ambivalence.

  1. I really enjoyed this post. I know I feel the exact same way a lot of the time, like I am a walking contradiction. I feel many times I learn the most about myself through the honesty of others. Thank You

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