Response to a Random Male

I was recently skimming the “similar blog posts” that WordPress suggests after I publish a post, and found the following excerpt. I realize that blogging about some random guy’s post rather than responding to him specifically is futile and immature, but what he says is common enough that I want to respond to it. If he can share his feelings on the subject, why shouldn’t I? Here’s what he said:

“I’ll flat-out say it: from the perspective of someone seeking a long-term life partner, preferably in the next decade, American white women just aren’t, in aggregate terms, very good. Sure, some individual American white women are great– my mother is an American-born white woman, and my parents are still together after 35 years– but there are far too few of them. The odds are long, and the good ones out there are usually taken. Show me an American-born single, attractive white woman older than 25, and I’ll show you an 85% chance of a defective personality.”

Okay, well, I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not completely defensive and biased concerning this subject. But seriously? Seriously. I’m torn between making two responses:

1. Assert that I do not have a “defective personality.” I may be over 26 and single, but I am pretty sure that I am a hard working, relatively intelligent, and compassionate contributor to society. I have plenty of friends and work well with all of my coworkers- if I had a “defective personality” wouldn’t that show up in relationships other than romantic ones? And what, may I ask Mr. insolent blog author sir, would you guess the percentage to be for defective personalities in people who make sweeping, ageist, racist, and sexist generalizations about an entire demographic?

2. Admit that I do have a defective personality, but argue that everyone does. I have my “signature sins” and shortcomings as much as anyone else. I am aware that my signature sin is pride. I am aware that I use work and productivity to avoid the hurts or even happiness in my heart. I am aware that I am often more focused on doing than on feeling. I am aware that I can come off as intimidating or overconfident. I am aware that I find it incredibly difficult to apologize sometimes and that I have a tendency to always think I’m right. But I am aware of these things, and I am working on them. Who doesn’t have some defects of personality? Isn’t the idea of marriage that you accept one another for who you are, regardless of weaknesses? So-at the risk of being as close minded and critical as the man who I am responding to-I would suggest to him that if he is looking for a woman with no defects of personality, he is looking for a woman who- I regret to inform him- does not exist.

Again, I will confess to being defensive and having an axe to grind; however, I’m just going to be honest and say that it completely pisses me off when random strangers cause me to question my so-called desirability because they have some preconceived notion about what age it’s appropriate for a woman to get married.

Perhaps I’m just tired of having to defend my character to people who don’t even know me just because I have (or don’t have) a certain marital status.

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3 thoughts on “Response to a Random Male

  1. Krista,

    I don’t think you have defend yourself to anyone especially someone who throws out random percentages about oblique stereotypes. We all have idiosyncrasies and that is what makes us unique. I have my own which lie outside the social norm, but I know God has put a woman on this earth who will look past that and see me for who I am. I have also come to realize that the entire female population doesn’t find me desirable, and it’s not my place to conform myself to get someone to like me so I don’t worry about it, it’s their loss.

    Also, I don’t think you need to question your desirability; just be yourself.

  2. I would like to say thank you for commenting on this. I too am over 25, I am 30 and I have learned a lot in the last 5 years. I have made mistakes in my past and I do have my moments. I think if as a man you assume we should be perfectly normal there may be something wrong with your perception of reality. The differences between people are usually what makes us compatable and allow us to grow together or apart. Either way, we have that choice. We can choose to make an effort at overcoming those differences or we can turn, tuck tail and run.

    I must admit that in my heart when I am having a tuff time with being single I sometimes have a “freak out” moment where I decide that all men are only out for one thing, they are cheap, lazy, disrespectful, inconsiderate of others feelings, and sometimes just down right evil.

    Having said that, it is in this, my moment of sin, that I have to reflect on what my expectations are and reevaluate the people in my life, and decide what makes me have those feelings. Often times after having done this I feel no change, however, there are those beautiful moments where I see that I have surrounded myself with these people because of my own insecurities and “issues” and now I have to deal with it. But again, I have the chance to make an effort to overcome the differences, if I just sit there and complain about it I will not be any different than I was and no better than the person that I let put me in that position.

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