thoughts on the matter of singleness

fbnaperSo many people have found it appropriate- dare I say, necessary- to comment on my singleness, that I’ve decided I should get that opportunity as well. Why should everyone else be able to assure me I’ll find that “special” person, dispell my (actually their) worries about remaining single, and try to set me up with guys who are perfect for me (actually for them)?
My thoughts on the matter are pretty simple. Maybe I’ll get married. Maybe I won’t. The following are advantages to either option. So in my opinion, it’s a win-win situation, though both states have their struggles as well. I’m only going to focus on the positives…
Marriage Top Ten (in no particular order):
1. someone to kill spiders for me ~my sister Kati will kill spiders with her bare hands- big ones. her husband Ryan hates spiders. So I’m not saying that all women are afraid like me and all men are tough and brave regarding spiders. But in my case, I’m hoping for a man who is.
2. someone to get that hard to reach spot on my back with lotion ~I have super dry skin. I put lotion on every time I shower. There’s always a spot I can’t reach and it always feels dry
3. someone to give me back massages ~I love back massages
4. someone to do the bills ~again, this isn’t a guy vs girl thing. I just hate managing bills. I’m fine with it. I think I handle my money pretty well. But it stresses me out. it’d be nice not to have to worry about it
5. someone to cuddle with ~especially on cold nights or rainy saturday mornings
6. someone to ask about my day ~to wish me well at work in the morning and ask me how my day was when I get home
7. sex ~self explanatory
8. someone to make big decisions with ~so I don’t feel so much pressure
9. someone who will come with me when I move~rather than moving alone all the time
10. someone who knows me ~who knows the real me, inside and out, and loves me and chooses to be with me anyway
Singleness Top Ten (in no particular order):
1. Freedom ~I can be spontaneous with daily tasks and travel. I can decide where I want to go and when, I can accept invitations to visit family/ friends on short notice w/out consulting anyone else’s calendar or opinion
2. Friendships ~I have more time to develop relationships with males and females
3. Self Discovery ~More alone time for me to discover who I am. I learn to base my self worth on God’s and my opinion- no one else’s
4. God time ~I have more free time to spend in prayer and meditation with God, and will learn to depend on him more because he is all I have
5. Crushes allowed ~I don’t have to feel like I’m being unfaithful to my spouse if I have a slight crush on Dr. House, Hugh Jackman, Edward Cullen or anyone else
6. Career ~I can pursue my own career goals and do what it takes to reach them
7. Develop inner strength ~Become brave and independent
8. Learn to do things myself ~such as changing a tire, fixing the sink, etc
9. Can be a mentor or role model for other single woman ~yes, it’s possible to be a satisfied single woman when you’re approaching your 30s (and I’ll add here that I am very young in my opinion to even be having a conversation about singleness, but like I said, since everyone else seems to think it’s a problem in my life…)
10. Sleep like a Starfish ~I can sprawl out and take over the entire bed while I sleep; don’t have to share it:)

Disclaimer 1: I realize that some of the “positive” aspects above can also be negatives. ie: being married means I don’t have to make big decisions alone, but that also means that some of my freedom of choice is limited.

Disclaimer 2: You may be reading my singleness pros and thinking “just because I’m married doesn’t mean I don’t x, y, or z!” This is true. However, I’m just stating the things that I know are easier for me because I’m single. I’m not saying you can’t do those things if you’re married. Likewise, there are some things on the married list (ie someone to ask me how my day was) that can still happen when I’m single (my roommate might ask). So I acknowledge these are generalizations, but the concept is the overall picture (ie someone who consistently cares about me and how my day was at an intimate level). 

These are just my thoughts on the matter of singleness…


6 thoughts on “thoughts on the matter of singleness

  1. 1. You’re cool enough for a blog!?

    2. If you get married, your husband can kill the spiders. If you don’t, as soon as you learn to change a tire and fix the sink, get over your arachnophobia.

  2. I really wonder if someday I will become ‘that’ person who deems it necessary to comment on the obvious. Blink a couple times and yell- “WOW. You DO know you need to get married before you’re XX-years-old- right?” Maybe I will- maybe my marriage will be so awesomely perfect that I’ll want everyone else to lead the exact same life I lead. …although I can’t argue w/ Married Top #7. 😉 (…we’ll continue this conversation later..)

  3. i think it’s interesting in the new testament that generally the principle goes: “stay single; if you can’t, get married.” it isn’t “get married; if you can’t, feel bad about being single.” there must be something to singleness.

    1. So true, and such a neglected truth. Shane Claiborne makes a similar argument argument. He wrote “Jesus for President” and started the “Simple Way,” a community of faith in Pennsylvania.

  4. I think you should write a column. I love the way you write. Anyway about singleness…. well I think you captured it quite well. I know I don’t have the best frame of reference since you were with me since conception and then Ryan came along…. but I do value alone time and have it often. I will say that I think someone asking you if you have developed any crushes since the last time they talked to you, is more a way of catching up then saying you need to get married….. do you feel like people have talked about your singleness a lot lately- I mean clearly you must due to this blog.

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